Sunday, January 16, 2011

*Gilly* Sorray.

Bad decisions, bad decisions Sigh. Sorray.

If you've ever seen The Fourth Kind, I'm sorry and I know your pain and you'll never be able to see a white owl without crapping your pants and aliens will terrify you for the rest of your life. You probably had to go to therapy just because of that movie.

If you've never seen it,

DON'T. I swear on my pants, I will find you and cover your eyes and ears and send you to a toddler's clothing store because those places are always cheerful and hopefully, if your mind hasn't been too tainted, you will be able to live the rest of your life happily and normally.

Seriously. The Fourth Kind is the kind of movie that causes you to lose sleep over for a month and eventually you've seen enough warm, family friendly movies that star Adam Sandler or Will Smith to forget about it. Then, a month or two later, you get up in the middle of the night for a snack or water or to pee, what have you, and you hear something. Or you see something. Or there's a hair on your arm and you feel it and think it's a spider for a second and flail and then realize you're safe, but then something tickles your brain and HOLY CRAP YOU REMEMBER THE MOVIE AND HOW ARE YOU EVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN? WILL YOU BE SAFE? SHOULD YOU SLEEP OUTSIDE? WHAT WOULD LIFE BE LIKE IF YOU'D NEVER WATCHED IT? WHY DID YOU MAKE SUCH A GODAWFUL DECISION? WHOSE IDEA WAS IT? WHY ARE MY THOUGHTS IN CAPS LOCK?

Then you're sweating. And panicking. And out of nowhere the dark seems scary and the moon isn't so innocent and those Egyptians might have been onto something on the History Channel special. And if they were right, then will the aliens come for you? 
These are all the reasons you should never watch that movie. Unless you're a cynical jerk realist. If you're that person that kind of ruins things like that, then go ahead, but it will still freak you out. 
 Wanna know what happens in the movie? AWFUL THINGS. A skinny woman with freaky eyes. Douche bag cops. Crazy people. The sketchy side of Alaska. BAD NEWS. Just... don't. Don't watch it. If ever you take my advice, make it now. I don't care whose idea it is or if it's th eonly thing on or if you say it's going to be fun and you won't be scared later, YOU WILL BE SCARED AND PEE YOUR PANTS.

The movie just is not nice. Just don't do it. It's terrible and scary and probably not real but they tell you it's real. WHAT KIND OF A$$HAT DOES THAT?! Jees.