Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The really not normal wishes of January.

Firstly, how do you like the new look? Ain't it purty? I think it gives it more pizzazz *jazz hands for emphasis* and color. The old look, I liked, but it was also more difficult because I hadn't updated it. So, I swallowed my oh dears and what if?s for a mouthful of this looks so freaking awesome. I hope it's not too distracting. I mostly did the silverware background because it's totally unrelated, and that's just one of the subtle ways I do humor. It's also why I'm disappointed in my generation. Le sigh. Some of them just don't understand why things are funny unless it's blunt and offensive, like South Park. Well, it is a little funny... So anyhoo, I'll continue on, back to normal. 

Now, for the crazy to commence.

I wish I could meet Jon Krakauer.

I wish we would finally move to Portland and then maybe, just maybe if I wish hard enough, we'll run into Robert Pattinson.

I wish Pete Wentz hadn't married Ashley Simpson. 

I wish Britney Spears' clothes line didn't look like it was for underage strippers.

I wish Fall Out Boy would make up their mind and go off of hiatus or split. It's bothersome to be in suspense.

I wish those shoes from Plato's Closet had fit me.

I wish the camera at Plato's Closet couldn't see into one of the dressing rooms.

I wish English Bulldogs weren't so ugly.

I wish Chris McCandless hadn't died. I wish I could've known him because I would have loved to talk with him.

I wish I could find another teenager like me.

I wish Everett Ruess had lived longer.

I wish the Denver Zoo didn't suck so much.

I wish movie tickets didn't cost an arm and a leg.

I wish the computer wouldn't just tell me things were spelled wrong, but tell me how to spell it so I didn't sit there for ten minutes trying to figure it out.

I wish I didn't have to look at the keyboard. (In second grade I didnt even have to think about key placement, then a bunch of things happened and we moved and now I can't remember because my elementary school had the worst computer class ever compared to that of Omaha. *shakes fist at sky*)

I wish Tiny would think about what she says before she says it. I don't understand how to "stop talking like a woman talks."

I wish the jelly wouldn't drip. I wish jelly tasted less like sugar and grape on crack and more like fruit. Or something that comes from nature.

I wish we didn't have to constantly end up dragging Tiny back from the edge. No, I wish she understood that I'm not stupid, that I know for a fact that putting your leg up on the wall in a shower while your balance is still pretty craptastic is just tempting Fate and that when you fall pain will, indeed, ensue, no matter how ridiculous that sounds.

I wish there weren't spiders behind the couch.

I wish Parental would learn to close the screen door. I don't wish to welcome moths into my room because EVERY TIME THEY ARE IN MY ROOM AND MY ROOM ONLY.

I wish white tea had more caffeine. 

I wish Parental's homeskillet (who is in San Fransisco and knows who she is) would realize that the demon from Paranormal Activity isn't in her living room or climbing her stairs slowly and menacingly, especially when she doesn't even have stairs. I also wish her dog wasn't "the devil." And that he would stop cleaning himself by rubbing his body on her walls. That's just unhealthy.

I wish every chair had a footrest. Especially in school. My feet do enjoy elevation, thank you very LITTLE.

I wish we had hardwood floors.

I wish our stupid condo would be a smart condo.

I wish our microwave would look less like a nuclear bomb and more like a microwave.

I wish my sink wouldn't drip every other night.

I wish that satan bug wouldn't have tried to lurch onto my head when I was straightening my hair this morning.

I wish our door actually fit the frame in the winter.

I wish Twilight was real. *embarrassed snort*

I wish newspaper wasn't so prone to making me slip.

I wish bugs would stay away from my face. Because, of course, the one and only cool-hobo-esque person in our entire complex witnessed me having an arm and face seizure when a bug landed on my nose. Of course. I just hate city bugs, okay?

I wish they hadn't remade Clash of the Titans. The new version really sucks. 

I wish they hadn't made the story of Sparta and Troy into a movie that got everything wrong. 

I wish other people were as nerdy about Greek mythology as me.

I wish I could make every other post song lyrics without looking like a crazyface.

I wish I had my fourth grade teacher again.

I wish Oslow would be a person so I could punch him in the face, nose, jaw, head, and nipple then kick him in the knee, shin, and stomach because he is being such an arse of late and I swear I have been nothing but kind to him. I know better than to tempt that PMSing, vomiting-on-couch-and-January's-clothes dog.

I wish more people would comment. Especially the ones in Canada and Europe and Alaska because I seriously love those places. Seriously. SEEEEEEERIOUSLY. (So you're gonna comment now, yeah? Yeah???)

I wish I had more time on my hands. 

I wish I would know when yoga club starts.

I wish I had gone to the newspaper club meeting yesterday.

I wish I had a bike lock.

I wish I hadn't seen that spider on that apple in the (inaudible) Market when we went grocery shopping. Now when I see an apple, all I can think about is that vile little thing.

I wish uploading pictures was easier. 

I wish my math classroom would be prettier and Mr. Baldyface would call on me because I actually know the answer this time, I swear.

I wish I didn't take forever to do everything.

I wish I didn't owe the library so many fines.

I wish Tiny hadn't just dumped out her entire toy bucket. Sadsadsadsad face. Oh, so very sad face.

Wistful sigh.

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